ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
