I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
home. puking in laundry basket.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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