Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
