I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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