Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
