When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
