So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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