Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
