thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
