So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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