I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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