They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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