So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
