I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
