Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
