Plan B is the new Plan A
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
