what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
