It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
