the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish i was in the wii world.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
