Cold hands, warm shart.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
