Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
