i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
