If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
