NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
