I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
