this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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