You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
