dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
