Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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