didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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