Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
