i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No stitches, just platelets and will power
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
