When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
