dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
