If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
pray to the hookup gods
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
