i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
