I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
this hospital has no fireball
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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