Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
