I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
