I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
