...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
