He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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