he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
