i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
