New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
