I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
