I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
