I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
