I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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