Someone shit on the floor
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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