I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
